WTF

Obsession with mayonnaise

Mayonnaise. The Dutch love the stuff. And lots of it. 'Can I order some fries with my mayo, please?'

Elfstedentocht

'I've got the biggest torch here, and it needs blowing out.' Sex or the Elfstedentocht? Dan definitely is no skater.

Dating the Dutch

There are some things that you may need to consider when embarking on date with a Dutch dame… Dan should know.

Tall Dutchies

The Dutch are tall. Yes. And Dan is a Britse dwerg. Now stop saying it!

Dutch animal noises

‘Ghosts say boo, cows say moo!’ says Dan. No, argue his Dutch friends: ‘Cats say moo. Cows say boo. Ghosts go woo.’ Yeah, right!

Swaffelen

Swaffelen. What? Yes, swaffelen. It's the act of swinging one's penis into another person.

IKEA restaurant

The streets are empty. Where is everyone? In IKEA, having their car-crash banquet!

Inspection shelf toilet

Dan honestly didn't know what it was... the inspection shelf toilet.

Three kisses

Who and when do you kiss in the Netherlands? And who initiates it? Dan wished he'd known that sooner.

Sinterklaasgedicht

Dutch sarcasm is simply Dutch directness, especially in a Sinterklaasgedicht. And Dan just got a dose to his door.

Expressions

What better way to mark the result of a difficult decision than to shoot-up a church? And Dan was so sure the Dutch were religiously-tolerant!

Kruidnoten

Dan bought himself a bag of kruidnoten, tried to eat them in one sitting... only to end up immediately shitting.

Hair gel

Stroking a Dutchman's head is like stroking broken glass or touching that one rock-hard sock. Kakkers.

Sint Maarten

The doorbell rings. 'Halloween's over! Vervelende kinderen!', you whimper. Children are the beggars, we are the Sint Maartens.

Lekker

The L-word! Can't the Dutch last two seconds without saying it? For Dan and all the internationals it means: sexy and hot.

Zwarte Piet is an out-dated tradition

Tradition is a guide, not a governor, says international student Dan O'Neill. Let's give Black Pete a beard!

Zwarte Piet

No, it's not an early Christman, but Sinterklaas the Dutch celebrate shortly. But WTF does the black guy has to do with it?

Engels