Abandoned as an infant high in the mountains of Colorado, James was taken in and raised by a family of marmots. They trained him in the art of satire, but warned him: ‘With great power comes great responsibility.’ He didn’t understand the truth of their words until his adopted rodent brother, Donald Trump’s hair, turned to the dark side.
James could only sit by and watch, helpless and appalled, as his evil brother meme’d his way to the White House. Forever changed by what he had seen, James fled to The Netherlands and vowed to always use his powers for good.
A comparatively muted air settled over Groningen late last month. King’s Day 2019 saw revelers aplenty, but many locals found that they just couldn’t get into the spirit.
‘What’s King’s Day without the King?’ said one local after deciding to turn in early. ‘Up ‘till last year we didn’t know what we were missing… but now…’
Last year’s festivities were by all accounts monumental. The city was packed for the royal procession, the weather was great, and people said there was ‘no way’ previous years could hold a candle to it.
‘Unfortunately, we didn’t realise that subsequent years wouldn’t hold a candle to it either’, said another local who we found wandering away from vismarkt looking downtrodden.
Ignorance is Bliss?
But King’s Day wasn’t all melancholy doom-and-gloom for the locals. In spite of the general wistful spirit, many people feel the experience has left the city all the better for it.
‘No, it was worth it’, said a dutch student. ‘We’ve always been proud of our ability to throw parties. Bars here are open all night, the city is really busy every weekend, and our student associations are downright infamous for their partying. Even if last year spoiled the average, run-of-the-mill party in comparison, now we know just how great of a rager we can throw. We have something to aspire to.’
Unfortunately, the royal family spends every kingsday in a different town, and it will be quite some time before they next find themselves in Groningen. If the town wants to have a comparable party before then, they may just have to manage it themselves.