Abandoned as an infant high in the mountains of Colorado, James was taken in and raised by a family of marmots. They trained him in the art of satire, but warned him: ‘With great power comes great responsibility.’ He didn’t understand the truth of their words until his adopted rodent brother, Donald Trump’s hair, turned to the dark side.
James could only sit by and watch, helpless and appalled, as his evil brother meme’d his way to the White House. Forever changed by what he had seen, James fled to The Netherlands and vowed to always use his powers for good.
The king visited Groningen last week, where he saw demonstrations of sustainable technology in the Grote Markt. Meanwhile, thousands of people drank beers out of disposable plastic cups.
The city prides itself on its sustainability, and it’s just that eco-mindedness that allowed party-goers to reconcile their consciences with using every plastic cup in the North.
‘We told everyone not to worry about it!’ said an organiser. ‘What’s the point of being eco-friendly all the time if you don’t get to let loose once in a while? It’s like a cheat day on a diet.’
And let loose they did. Groningers are estimated to have drunk more than two million beers during the celebration. Each conveniently served in an individual plastic cup.
The Grind Begins Again
‘Alright everyone, it’s been fun, but if we want to do this again next year we have to go back to the usual,’ organizers reminded the city after the Kingsday celebrations came to a close, ‘sorting our trash and turning off the lights when we leave the room and whatnot.’
It’s a high price to pay, but as people walked home over roads paved with rubbish they knew it was worth it.
‘It’s just like the king said: “Other cities talk about throwing a party, Groningen actually does it”,’ said a satisfied and slightly drunk reveler. ‘I’ve kept the thermostat turned down for the past three weeks so I’d be able to sleep tonight. It was hard, but it’s liberating to be able to throw stuff on the ground without feeling bad.’
No one’s really sure what will become of all that trash, but the city would certainly like everyone to think they recycled it.