Seeing a text with a friendly ‘How are you?’ from a close friend, I was hit with a wave of guilt. I had forgotten to respond to her message. Again. It has been three weeks since the summer ended and the harsh and busy reality of university began. It doesn’t seem to be getting better any time soon.
Opening WhatsApp, I’m confronted with all the other fourteen unopened conversations and begin to dwell on my anxiety over keeping up with the speed of life and the people in it.
Reminiscing about the time when we used to share neighborhoods, classes, similar schedules, or even lifestyles makes me realize that it was just so effortless to be friends back then. But getting older, graduating at different times, getting different jobs, and perhaps even moving to different cities or countries means somehow keeping on devoting time to those relationships that matter. And like many things, it’s easier said than done. Ideally, catching up over a visit, a long session on the phone or frequent texting are the best ways to sustain friendships.
Yet, realistically, we all have a life, a different life, therefore those options become much less feasible not only in terms of schedule differences but also in terms of social energy differences.
Devoting time to the relationships that matter is easier said than done
How can I remind my friends I still remember and care about them in my busiest, lowest, and most stressful moments? It turns out that penguins can offer an answer to this question, and maybe it’s something that we have been doing for a while already.
During mating season, penguins gift each other small but carefully chosen pebbles to show affection. According to anthropologists, this behavior, known as ‘pebbling’, can be seen in human species as well.
As humans, we perhaps don’t gift each other rocks, unless we are talking diamonds, but the small acts of showing love through sending a relatable meme, a good song, or an interesting news article could be called the same. We all do it, but we barely give it enough credit.
It still took a while before I replied to my friend and shamefully confessed about my struggle. I also told her about ‘pebbling’. To my surprise, she not only didn’t blame me for ignoring her, but admitted that she struggles with the same issue sometimes, and ‘pebbling’ is one of her ways of sustaining friendships as well.
The more people I talked to about this issue, the more people admitted that this struggle is real, and following an impulse of sending something small saves their relationships to this day.
Perhaps the key to sustaining friendships, especially in busy times, isn’t grand gestures or constant communication, but these small acts of connection. In a fast-paced world where everyone is busy, sometimes a pebble is all it takes to remind someone that we care.
LIZA KOLOMIIETS