Abandoned as an infant high in the mountains of Colorado, James was taken in and raised by a family of marmots. They trained him in the art of satire, but warned him: ‘With great power comes great responsibility.’ He didn’t understand the truth of their words until his adopted rodent brother, Donald Trump’s hair, turned to the dark side.
James could only sit by and watch, helpless and appalled, as his evil brother meme’d his way to the White House. Forever changed by what he had seen, James fled to The Netherlands and vowed to always use his powers for good.
Erik was happy to finally be moving out of temporary housing and into his new Suikerlaan container apartment. But then disaster struck.
‘For the most part it is- I mean was -great’, Erik told reporters for the UKrant. ‘You really don’t appreciate the value of having your own place until you’re, you know, living in a tent – for example.’ He laughs. ‘The other day I woke up and thought, “This is so nice. I have everything an international student could want: a bed, a bathroom, a lovely view of the German countryside sliding past outside my window… wait”‘.
When Erik rushed to his window he discovered that his container had been loaded onto the back of a truck and was currently trundling down the 28. ‘I have no idea how I slept through that’, he continued. ‘But once I was up it took me ten minutes to get the driver’s attention, and then another ten to convince him that the container was actually my house.’
Drivers confused students’ homes with several actual shipping containers full of eierballen that were being stored for export right next to the housing units.
‘It was dark’, said a spokesperson for the shipping company. ‘And in our drivers defence, the apartments are literally shipping containers. It’s not like they ripped a house off its foundations. It’ll be easy enough to put them back.’
A total of ten units, including Erik’s, were hauled to Bremen. The company bought one-way train tickets back to Groningen for any unintentionally-abducted students, but there won’t be trucks available to bring the containers back for at least three days.
‘We just have to deliver those eierballen’, said the spokesperson. ‘Those students have been living in tents for a month and a half, what’s the harm in another couple of days?’
Can’t Catch a Break
Suikerlaan residents are beside themselves.
‘This is unbelievable’, says Dandy Meme, another victim of the incident. ‘Doesn’t matter how ‘easy’ it’ll be to put my house back if it’s in Germany! It’s like someone’s intentionally messing with us!’
‘Believe me, I know- really, I know to some people it sounds like we’re just complaining’, says Erik. ‘Like, “We don’t like the tents. Now things are too expensive. Now our dirty housing is dirty and doesn’t have hot water. Boo hoo.” But, seriously, imagine if all this happened to you. It’s just been one thing after the other. You’d be upset too.’