Last week, it has been 20 years since my grandfather passed away. He was a progressive and kind man, thanks to whose creative ambitions I got interested in art and decided to study it at the university. I needed to find a special way to remember him on this important day, being far from home. While all my family back at home continued the elaborate family traditions of remembrance of the deceased, my options for that abroad were quite limited.
Living abroad makes it much harder to keep the sentiments and traditions from back home alive. This difficulty varies from incapability to go to certain places or get certain things, to being forgetful or sometimes, frankly, lazy. With the busy schedules and the survival mode in a sense of constant adapting or adjustment often doesn’t leave a lot of space for creative solutions to those complex and sensitive challenges. But when it comes to mourning, all the excuses become miserable in comparison. It has to be done properly. But how?
Knowing this is a common issue, I talked with a few international friends about their experience. To no surprise, each time after asking the question of whether they actively try to keep these traditions while being far away from home, the majority responded with an awkward ‘not really’. I was of them as well. This small research left me with a certain angst, but that was until I spoke to a Dutch friend.
Isn’t this already a very special and active way to remember him, while you’re far away?
We were supposed to get some dinner together, but I mentioned Remembrance Day for my grandpa and said we must get a few drinks in his honor. For the rest of the evening, our conversation was preoccupied with me telling stories about my grandfather, our traditions, and some family anecdotes. At the end of the evening, almost confused, my friend asked ‘Isn’t this already a very special and active way to remember him, while you’re far away?’
I thought of each conversation I had with my international friends about traditions. Every time they told me they do not actively keep the traditions, each one of them described the tradition with an accurate preciseness. Each one went into detail telling about the loved one they have lost. Each one found ‘a way’ to remember with the given circumstances.
I played my grandpa’s favorite song on Spotify instead of a CD and raised a glass of Groninger beer he would’ve liked instead of a Ukrainian vodka. Thinking about what my friend said, I thought that despite our limitations, the traditions are not forgotten, even if we only talk about them. For now, their implementation is just a little bit reworked.
LIZA KOLOMIIETS