Professor Doerak Nominated for Nobel Prize in Literature

Abandoned as an infant high in the mountains of Colorado, James was taken in and raised by a family of marmots. They trained him in the art of satire, but warned him: ‘With great power comes great responsibility.’ He didn’t understand the truth of their words until his adopted rodent brother, Donald Trump’s hair, turned to the dark side.

James could only sit by and watch, helpless and appalled, as his evil brother meme’d his way to the White House. Forever changed by what he had seen, James fled to The Netherlands and vowed to always use his powers for good.

The RUG’s own Professor Doerak has been nominated for the Nobel Prize in literature for his newest book, Our Campus, Their World. Through feline allegory, the novel deconstructs and examines the bitter class struggle that has become embedded within academic spaces in Europe.

Critics are calling it an ‘earth-shattering, heaven-rending triumph of the absolute highest order’ ahead of its official ebook release this thursday.

‘It’s purrfect’, said a spokesperson for the Swedish Academy, the organization that grants the Nobel in literature. ‘Doerak tells tails and spins yarns like none before him. His use of meta-fur was mew-sic to our ears.’

Not Everyone is Pleased

Of course, if Doerak wins he will be the second RUG staff member in three years to receive a Nobel Prize, the first being Ben Feringa, who was awarded the 2016 prize in chemistry and has been riding that high ever since. Sources say that he’s been none too pleased about the nomination.

‘You fools’, said Feringa when asked to comment on the hype around Doerak. ‘Do not speak of him. Have you forgotten the first commandment? Thou shalt have no other gods before me! T’was only ereyesterday that one of my administration-issued concubines had to be executed for daring to utter the false prophet’s name in my presence. Be thankful I have spared you upon this occasion, and be warned that I shall not be so forgiving on the morrow.’

Though most would say that the two can share the glory, and that Feringa is making a meow-ntian out of a molehill, those that have read review copies of Doerak’s book aren’t so sure.

‘I don’t even remember what was in the book, or what happened for about three hours after I finished it’, said one reviewer. ‘It was transcendent, almost terrifying. If you told me there was enough in there for a Nobel in literature AND for a second one in chemistry, I wouldn’t be surprised. At all.’


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