Branch Campus in ‘Jantai’

Abandoned as an infant high in the mountains of Colorado, James was taken in and raised by a family of marmots. They trained him in the art of satire, but warned him: ‘With great power comes great responsibility.’ He didn’t understand the truth of their words until his adopted rodent brother, Donald Trump’s hair, turned to the dark side.

James could only sit by and watch, helpless and appalled, as his evil brother meme’d his way to the White House. Forever changed by what he had seen, James fled to The Netherlands and vowed to always use his powers for good.

Starting next week the university council will begin considering a bold new plan for a branch campus in Jantai. The UC is eager to move forward after the disaster that was the Yantai branch campus, and they’ve issued a statement assuring the public that this new plan is absolutely completely different.

‘Jantai is really a beautiful city’, said a spokesperson for supporters of the plan, ‘We’re hoping that the UC will help us realise our dream of a more international RUG.’

The spokesperson went on to say that, in contrast to the recently overruled plan for a branch campus in Yantai, the Jantai campus would be ‘really great’, and ‘definitely not exactly the same thing’.

‘The university wouldn’t have to deal with a party representative keeping an eye on them like in Yantai’, said the rep. ‘Instead they would have a direct line to the government through a sanctioned liaison! How great!’

On the UC, members who supported the Yantai project have already expressed preliminary support for the new proposal.

‘True, Yantai is a thing of the past. Dead and gone’, said one member, ‘But we’re still committed to making the RUG an international institution, and that’s why this Jantai plan is really interesting to us. We look forward to hearing more about it so we can make a final decision. In the meantime though, I suppose it would be a good idea to spend millions of euros on it.’

Calimero, however, has other ideas.

‘This is literally the same plan’, said one member. ‘They didn’t even try to make it sound different. Look, we get it, you spent a ton of money on it. But who the heck spends that much on an unapproved project? You’re just being difficult at this point.’


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