Coming from a society where the patriarchal system is visible and deeply rooted, I assumed that here, in the Netherlands, at a university, it would be different—less obvious, if not absent altogether. After all, people here openly acknowledge the flaws of patriarchy, call themselves feminists, and claim to believe in equality.
Naïve me didn’t want to believe that patriarchy could still thrive, just in disguise. Here, it often hides under a Cloak of Invisibility, masking itself as ‘misinterpretation’, ‘miscommunication’, or ‘overthinking’.
Over drinks with classmates, we would often discuss classroom dynamics— situations in class, approachability of the professors and their provided feedback. At the time, I hadn’t fully noticed how often a male classmate would say he didn’t really see anything wrong, while a female classmate expressed discomfort or concern. But as I prepared questions for an internal program evaluation, more and more female classmates asked me to bring up issues of unfair treatment, a dismissive tone, and an overall unbalanced dynamic.
Thinking these were standard feedback topics, I brought them up to a professor who is also involved in the panel. To my surprise, this open-minded and quite progressive man didn’t respond with ‘Of course, it is so important!’ but with, ‘Hm, we can do it, but I think when someone deliberately looks for unfairness, they will always find it.’ Even though a part of me agrees with the fact that some people in general like to stir things up, there is something inherently wrong with this kind of thinking.
While universities have policies for handling serious cases, the unspoken dynamics are harder to challenge
When we talk about subtle sexism or soft misogyny, it’s easy to fall back on the same tired logic: She didn’t work as hard as her male colleagues. She provoked an angry response. She’s overthinking it. But history has proven that when these concerns go unaddressed, they escalate. Eventually, we might hear the all-too-familiar justifications: She wore a revealing outfit. She went to his house. She didn’t think properly, so she is to blame.
While universities have policies for handling serious cases, the unspoken dynamics such as the power imbalance between students and faculty, particularly for female students, are harder to challenge. After all, how do you fight an opponent you can’t see? You feel it and it makes you uncomfortable, but you can’t always prove its presence. You’re damned if you do speak up, damned if you don’t.
Now, when it is the season of evaluations and feedback sessions, is the perfect time to make a point. Sharing stories, finding solidarity, and voicing concerns together can make the invisible visible and push for real change.
It may be difficult to always pinpoint where exactly the imbalance reveals itself, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t there. The past has shown that the best, and perhaps only, way to fight inequality and toxic patriarchy is to strip away its disguise, face it head-on, and refuse to let it stay hidden.
LIZA KOLOMIIETS