As I sit here at my desk in my room, my head feels almost completely blank. Now, I can be a fairly empty-headed man at the best of times, so that’s not really a shock. But even time-honoured classics like staring into a laptop or tapping mindlessly at my phone are starting to get old. Procrastination is starting to get old so much that I’m even starting to avoid it too. In a nutshell, I’m unmotivated.
The coronavirus hasn’t just infected the bodies of people all over the world, it’s reached further than that. It’s infected my social life, relationships, and motivation too. Now I sit at the desk in my room clicking away at a laptop and staring into a screen watching lectures and I can’t help but feel my ability to care slowly slip away.
I love my course and I love what I’m studying, but there’s only so much ‘online only’ learning I can take. It’s not even really the lectures that are the problem. They’re the same as they ever were, really. Listen to the lecturer tell you something and if it feels important (or like it might be on the exam) then write it down, simple. The problem lies elsewhere.
I miss being able to turn to the person next to me in class when I’m confused
Like a lot of people at university, I’m a social animal. I love walking into a building for a lecture or into the library to meet up with a friend and study. We’d hit the books for a while, then take a little break and have a chat. Sometimes about whatever we were studying or just about anything at all, really. Without that social element, my motivation is so much harder to keep alive.
I’m missing out on a lot of the little things that help me study, too. Being able to turn to the person next to me in class when I’m utterly confused to see if they understand what’s going on. If not, at least I know I’m not alone. It’s even become harder to exchange study tips with classmates or to find out how someone else is studying to help expand my own approach. I really need those tips too; I’m terrible at studying!
Honestly, I don’t know what’s more shocking: the fact that that I haven’t adjusted to all of this yet, or that fact that I ever seemed to think I would.
I think I need a little more time off.