Back home with your parents
There goes your freedom
Door Sofia Strodt
By Sofia Strodt
‘When I take my laundry downstairs, my mum sometimes does it for me. I tell her not to, but she does it anyway’, says Robert Smid. ‘It’s convenient, but you do start to feel like a little kid.’ The journalism student moved back in with his parents because of the corona pandemic, and now he misses doing ‘his own thing’.
With the majority of classes taking place online and bars still closed, a lot of students decided it didn’t make much sense to stay in Groningen. Rather than paying for a room they can hardly ever leave, they’ve gone back to their parents, where they have more space and can save money. But it’s not easy to suddenly be a child in your parents’ home again.
It’s convenient, but you do start to feel like a little kid
‘I expected a lot of fights. I lived by myself for five years, so I really wasn’t sure how we could make this work’, says social psychology student Lieke Molenaar. Initially, she had planned on taking a gap year, but then corona threw her a curve ball. Because she had already cancelled her rental contract in Groningen, she found herself without a place to stay. ‘It was chaos and I had no idea what to do. The safest option was just to chill at my parents’ place’, she says – even though her home town of Steenwijk is ‘very boring’.
Private space
It’s been a big change for Robert, too. After having lived in places all over the world, from Sydney to Newcastle, he now stays in his parents’ attic in Sappemeer, a sleepy village close to Groningen. His dad has upgraded the space to a studio. Because Robert still attends on-site classes, having his private space is essential. ‘My mum is 65 and my dad is 59. They are old enough to be considered a high risk group with regards to covid-19. It does worry me a lot. It’s really difficult, because if I weren’t strict about keeping my distance, my parents wouldn’t care.’
I have to be quiet when my parents are going to bed
Martine Yavuz, who studies digital humanities, even went back to The Hague to live with her parents and her little sister. ‘My former roommates and I weren’t that close and I’m a family person’, she says. ‘When I left in March, I only packed the essentials – a few bags of clothes and my pillow – because I didn’t know how long I’d stay.’
Of course, leaving your student house does mean you have to give up some freedom. ‘In my student house, I could decide for myself what to cook or when to go to sleep. Here, I have to take everyone into account and be quiet when my parents are going to bed.’
Her parents often don’t take her opinion on things into account. ‘They don’t listen!’ It bothered them when she moved in and didn’t unpack the boxes in her room, she says. ‘My parents were constantly on my back about cleaning it up.’ Then, one day, she came home to find all of her things had been unpacked. ‘I explicitly told them not to touch my stuff. I know they mean well, but their approach of “This is my house, I know best” sometimes annoys me.’
Trail of stuff
Suddenly living together with twice as many people caused friction at the Molenaars as well. ‘There’s normally always space on the couch, but when our two daughters moved back in, they would leave a trail of their things laying around the house’, says Lieke’s mum Hermien.
The horror scenario Lieke had imagined didn’t come to pass, though. ‘I was surprised we didn’t have fights. It really felt like we were in this together’, she says. It even felt very nostalgic to Lieke. ‘I think it has brought us closer together.’
I was surprised we didn’t have fights
Lieke and her sister showed their parents how to use the online tools they had to rely on when working from home. ‘I regularly appeared in my dad’s meetings to solve technological problems.’ The sisters also did a lot of the cooking. ‘We changed their whole diet and made all of these new recipes, which my mum was really happy about. My dad, who normally cooks, not so much.’
According to Hermien, their cleaning schedule saved the day. ‘Lieke came up with the idea to do the same thing she did in her student house. Having an overview of who had to clean what really helped to keep the peace.’
Someone to look after you
Martine actually prefers living with her parents over her student house. ‘It’s nice to have someone look after you’, she says. ‘With my roommates, I was kind of alone in my room. Now, when I want to talk to my sister, I just open her door and annoy her.’ She’s decided to keep on living there for the rest of the year and is thinking of extending her stay until she has found a stable job that enables her to live on her own. ‘It could take another year or two until I move out.’
Lieke and Robert, however, are really looking forward to their lives getting back to normal. ‘I far prefer living by myself. I miss my autonomy’, Lieke says.
Robert thinks along similar lines. ‘I do feel at home at my parents’ house, but I miss my freedom. After I’ve completed my studies, it’s time to move out.’