Kayla Aurelia hates it when people call her out of the blue. Even worse is when the call is from an unknown number. 

Her heart will begin to race and she’ll let her phone ring at least three times before she answers. ‘Phone calls can really catch you off guard’, she explains. ‘They’re too direct and you can’t prepare your responses.’

Even spam calls upset her. ‘I can’t just hang up once I’ve picked up the call, because I don’t want to be considered rude.’

Kayla is an international business student from Indonesia. Like many in her generation, she doesn’t like voice calls at all and prefers communicating with others through text or email. ‘It’s an irrational fear’, she knows, but that doesn’t make a difference. ‘I especially don’t like calls with someone higher up and more important than me.’

When she has to make a call like that, she will prepare a little script in her head. ‘If I don’t make sure that I’m mentally prepared for a call, I end up stuttering and the other person doesn’t understand me.’ 

Common fear

This phenomenon of Gen Zers being glued to smartphones, but avoiding phone calls due to discomfort or even fear is so common, there’s a name for it: phone anxiety.

‘Oh, I definitely have that’, says Romanian astronomy student Iustin. ‘If I can text instead, I’ll always take the alternative.’

People on the phone are so mean

– Arts, culture and media student Veronica

‘People on the phone are so mean’, says Latvian arts, culture and media student Veronica. ‘Especially when you have to make an appointment with the GP, it’s discouraging.’

‘I prefer people to text me first before calling’, adds Tygo, another arts, culture and media student.

But why is it so scary to have a simple conversation on the device you carry with you everywhere? 

Nonverbal cues

According to Ilinka Bijma, coordinator of the Faculty of Behavioral and Social Sciences’ coaching platform, it has a lot to do with the fear of social exclusion that many young people experience. ‘In social interactions, we want to feel included’, she says. ‘That’s just evolutionary, because it increases our chances of survival.’

Talking to someone on the phone is part of our social interaction, but it comes with challenges. ‘In phone conversations, you lack nonverbal cues. So it’s harder to predict and there’s less control. You have to say the right thing without being able to read the other person’s face, something that would normally offer the information that makes us feel comfortable in social interactions.’   

The fear of making a call can manifest itself in many ways. Procrastination is one, complete avoidance another. And for some it can present as physical symptoms, such as sweaty hands, a racing heart, or even nausea – all symptoms that can be linked to social anxiety.

Postponing calls

Iustin, who says that he stutters in phone calls, admits that his phone anxiety has cost him money. ‘I keep putting off calling DUO to check my eligibility for student finance, and by the time I finally gather the courage to call them, they’ve closed and I have to wait for the next opportunity’, he says. 

Lecturers may expect me to have perfect answers on the spot

– law student Aldrich

‘It’s scary’, agrees Kayla, who postpones her phone calls, sometimes for hours, until the ‘adrenaline kicks in’ to push her through. ‘And during these calls, I keep thinking: oh my god, what should I say next? Am I going to disappoint them if I say this? Is my answer going to be satisfactory?’ 

That is something that law student Aldrich Ignatius recognises. He too often gets very nervous when he has to make calls to his lecturers. ‘Especially with substantive topics, where they may expect me to have perfect answers on the spot.’

Urgency

Unexpected incoming calls also make him very uncomfortable. A million worries will run through his mind, because when people call without prior warning, it means that the call is their last resort to reach him – suggesting a sense of urgency. 

‘Phone calls are a thing of the past’, he says. ‘When I get calls from people that I’m not close to, all I can think is: what have I done wrong this time? Why is this person calling?’

To avoid the encounter with unpredictability, both Aldrich and Kayla try to schedule their phone calls whenever they can. ‘Since I don’t want to bother people, I will text the person whether they’re available for a call at a certain time’, says Kayla. 

Big hurdle

It’s not that young people today have a greater fear of not fitting in, says Bijma. Older generations – who grew up in a time where texting wasn’t an option – simply got more accustomed to phone use. ‘So the issue seems less prominent with them.’ 

Your brain needs to relearn that not every phone call is threatening

– Psychologist Ilinka Bijma

Additionally, social media’s validation mechanisms, such as likes and comments, may contribute to students’ preference for text-based communication. They are used to crafting responses that generate positive reinforcement, making the unpredictability of phone calls feel more daunting.

‘Given that young people don’t need to make calls as often, it becomes this big hurdle that you need to overcome. When this generation comes to their friend’s house, they don’t ring the doorbell. They just text to say they’ve arrived.’   

Normal

That explains why Dutch physics student Prerna Sarkar may not like calling, but has no problem doing so. Her parents encouraged her to make calls to relatives from an early age. Now, she says: ‘I consider it just another task.’ 

Romanian student of media studies Ana Enescu even values the directness of calls. For her, it was the only way to reach distant relatives. ‘In Romania the whole texting thing is still relatively new. It’s been around for less than ten years, maybe. So we just called each other all the time – it’s the normal way of doing things.’

Not even a call from an unknown number unsettles her. ‘Most of the time, it’s one of my friends who changed their phone number and forgot to tell me; and if it turns out to be a scam call, I can just hang up.’ 

So what can you do if you have phone anxiety? 

Practising

Depending on the severity, exposure therapy can be an effective way to overcome phone anxiety, says Bijma. That means practising by deliberately making these scary calls. She makes the comparison with getting over the fear of public speaking. 

‘If you make multiple phone calls and realise that nothing terrible happens, your brain learns that there’s no need to trigger this fear response’, Bijma says. ‘And if you’ve had negative experiences, your brain needs to relearn that not every phone call is threatening.’

Most of all, it’s important to remove the shame surrounding phone anxiety, she stresses. ‘Some people feel uncomfortable admitting to it because they don’t understand why they’re struggling when others are not. It can feel quite isolating. We need to recognise that experiencing phone anxiety is normal.’

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