Swing it in. Back of the net. After my housemate had sat on top of the garden shed cursing FIFA for an hour, he shuffled back inside. ‘Man, Dan…I feel like I’ve just been swaffelen.’ I pause. Sorry? ‘Swaffelen’, he says, ‘it feels as though you’ve just swaffelened me.’ What the fraternize was he going on about?

My housemate thought that ‘swaffelen’ meant ‘kicked in waffle,’ which he then translated into meaning ‘kicked in the nuts’. We didn’t believe him. Of course, being British, we speculated feverishly at the true meaning of the word before looking it up online:

‘It’s when you eat a falafel and regurgitate it into someone else’s mouth.’

‘It describes the exact point when a man spots a girl he likes and begins to swagger, only to fail to attract her attention by looking like a complete moron.’

‘It’s a type of Swallow commonly bred among affluent families.’

‘It’s the sound Internationals make through their nose when they narrowly miss a bike crash.’

Sadly, we were all wrong. Actually, it is a term used to describe the act of swinging one’s penis into another person or object. Quite simply: schlong-slapping. The term became widely popular in the Netherlands in 2008 after a Dutch student was filmed clapping his cock against the Taj Mahal. According to Expactica, this form of willy-whipping is something that only men can do. But we university students know better.

That same year, the pecker-poking phrase was voted word of the year, taking over 57% of the 16,000 votes according to UPI! A Dutch TV program named Spuiten en Slikken even called for a BNN Nationale Swaffeldag to be announced in the Netherlands; apparently, the Dutch love the D!